Let’s chat about this morning for a moment shall we? I have been up since 4:00 AM because that is when Maya decided she wanted to greet this Monday morning! Happy and hungry (she continues to nurse at night, but is a sucker for routine and seeks a warm bottle within moments of opening her sweet, blue eyes,) her feet hit the floor early this morning! I woke up pretty easily, I prefer laughing and happy to whining and resistant any day…so out of bed I hopped.
Dry diaper. Check.
Back to bed we go? Not so much!
Here comes Rad Man with Kion in his arms, “Mommy will you watch a movie and ‘nuggle me.” Of course, I am happy to oblige. Precious boy. So we watch a little “Boss Baby” and snuggle in the living room. I am not giving in and making my coffee yet, because it is only 4:40…there is still the opportunity for maybe a few moments of closing my eyes. After some extended snuggle time, I get up take my vitamins, drink my coffee, and get ready for the day. Maya is snoozing again at this point but Rad is going strong.
Then I realize…we are out of formula and I did not turn in my defensive driving when it was due Friday. YIKES. Ok, I am still ok. Both of these things are manageable. I will make a quick run to the store and make a phone call when I get to the office. We are still going to conquer this week.
Finish getting ready for the day. Tell Cody I need to run to the store. He is doubtful of my generously packed list of to do’s this morning but bids me safe travels as I load up Rad in his adorable CatBoy “kajamas” (that is what he calls them) and off to the store we go.
I advise him on the way that this is a fast trip. No toy section. Just formula and out. As we approach the only – open – register behind a lady (no judgement, all LOVE) with 57 cans of cat food…I realize that I am not making the impossible happen. Rad ends up with a sponge bob ice cream and we are 7 minutes behind schedule as we walk out.
Call Cody. “Sorry I am making you late babes. Tell them it is my fault.” This is when the box breathing comes in. I can feel the physical reaction to the stress of this morning building up. My heart rate is a bit increased, my cheeks are a little flushed, and I feel the jitters in my stomach as I get onto the highway headed back home.
Repeat multiple times on the drive home.
Rad is tickled with his ice cream, I am rationalizing the fact that he is eating ice cream at 7:10 in the morning by telling myself that he has been up for almost 3 hours and already ate 2 bites of a somewhat nutritional breakfast so we are good. It is all good.
On our way home we acknowledge the stunning sunrise. The sky is full of bright orange and yellow greetings on this crisp morning.
Get home. Wake Lennon up. She not only looks like me, she sleeps like me. (Anywhere and for as long as you will let her.) She gets up and ready with little resistance in comparison to other Monday mornings. Hallelujah!!!
Out the door.
Drop Maya off.
En route to school, we say our daily mantra “I am brave. I am strong. I am kind. I am important.” Hugs, kisses…Lennon is off to have a great Monday, kindergarten style. Her pony tail is appropriate for Monday. Held together by a string…ba dum tss. #cheesyjoke #laugh #youknowyouwantto
Take Rad to Mimi and PaPa’s. Where he spends his days calling the shots and being covered in love.
Finally, after what feels like a full day’s work I am off to my other full time job. I have the pleasure of serving as the Employee Assistance Provider for a hospital system. I get to serve the many employees of our organization and help them through crisis, struggle, or just simply helping them be the best and truest version of themselves. Each day is an honor and a refining challenge. I can genuinely say, I love my job.
I walk into work and make the trek to my office from employee parking. Part of me thinks it’s laughable to be the girl who didn’t remember to turn in her defensive driving for a ticket that she got in February and made a 6:45AM run to the store for formula because I forgot it on each of my 3 shopping trips over the weekend AND ALSO be the one who people come to for guidance, advice, and therapy. But a much larger and kinder part of me thinks that crazy mornings like today and the mishaps that come along with life in general are strengthening my ability AND willingness to demonstrate empathy.
Practicing mindfulness has not changed the reality that my life jam-packed to the brim with hilarity, excitement, chaos, and messes…but it has transformed how I experience these moments.
Breathing in Maya’s 4:00 AM joy for life.
Squeezing in the ‘nuggle time with my little man.
Appreciating the patience and kindness of my husband.
Extending kindness to the woman with cat food and the cashier despite my realization of being late.
Being truly present and Lennon and I say our mantra for the day.
And practicing SELF-KINDNESS. Laughing rather than taking myself too seriously, and rolling with the flow of what this day happens to bring.
Sure, I still have moments of stress but breathing through them and checking the tone of my self-talk has been a game changer. I have also learned to redirect the thought processes that lead to unrealistic expectations about me and those I live and work alongside. In Rising Strong, Brene Brown talks about the unfortunate reality of expectations and the resentment they lead to. She says, “Disappointment is unmet expectations and the more significant the expectations, the more significant the disappointment.” I am choosing to not set myself up for repeated disappointment. That does not remove the potential I see in myself and those I live and work alongside…it is simply a manner of reframing that promotes increased emotional health.
On most Monday mornings, the wisdom or absence of grace is defining. Should I choose to walk in unmet expectations rather than grace, my ability to receive moments of mishap with ease will falter. Should I choose recognize the humanity and humor in the hurdles as they pass (in the countless forms that they are revealed) I can survive and hold tight to my enthusiasm for life. Life has never been a gentle breeze, but that does not mean that I cannot appreciate the gentle breezes as they pass…and they will.
I know I have said it before, but thank you for visiting and honoring my moments of reflection. This continues to be a refreshing journey for me. Taking the break from my daily routine to share these thoughts with you is helping to fill my cup.
Peace, Love, and Laughter,