Motherhood is full of excitement. My journey as a mother has been particularly eventful over the last few months. If you have been plugged into my blog for some time, you might know that my youngest has had a couple of extended hospitalizations lately. She is well now, but kept us on our toes for her first year of life. Last week was wild and crazy in the life and times of the Adams Family. Let me tell you about it and explain the radio silence over the last nine days.
On Friday the 13th, we traveled to Cook Children’s for the THIRD time in 4 months. Now if you have any superstitious bones in your body you might believe tough times come in 3’s and, well, no explanation is required for Friday the 13th. I am not even a superstitious person and those circumstances had me feeling pretty extra that morning. This trip was for our Rad Man. Our 3 year old boy had a trampoline accident, and I was convinced before arriving at the Emergency Room that his tibia was fractured. This notion was confirmed and we left the hospital a few hours later with a hard splint and firm non-weight bearing instructions. Imagine any 3 year old boy’s ability to be compliant with these marching orders for an extended period of time. Yikes…we figured we were in for it.
Let’s take a step back to earlier in the week. Our first born, sweet, and serious Lennon fell off the monkey bars and bloodied her nose. I got a call from the nurse, all was well, no need to panic. When I see her after school, she (Lennon not the nurse) informs me that she will probably have a black eye from the fall. She was bummed to wake up with NO battle scars. She also has developed an obsession with a walking boot I have from a minor surgery years ago…she loves putting it on and walking with crutches. It is the same kind of fascination with wanting glasses, braces, or wanting any distinguishing mark that sets you apart from the pack. Lennon is the oldest of 3, she feels every emotion intensely, and her intelligence and focus make her a really low maintenance child. For all of these reasons…there are times when she has to scream (literally or figuratively) for attention. When I am present enough in the moment to realize that this sweet 6 year old (who most of the time behaves more like a 12 year old) needs some tender loving care…the attention seeking moments are easy to deter.
It is also relevant to add that I had a fever for the first time that I can remember in years on Friday and Saturday. It takes a lot for me to claim that I am not feeling well, but I was NOT feeling well, certainly subpar. Productive coughing always makes me feel like I am on my “A” game too, optimally attractive and classy. I try to be grateful for the spring weather as my allergies cause me to hack up whatever is filling my chest and head with congestion. I find obstructed breathing to be extremely irritating. I like to believe that I can handle stress well, but agitation and febrility upped the ante.
So welcome back to Friday the 13th. Boy-child with a hip to toe splint is lying flat on his back for all the hours. Sweet six year old is crying out for TLC and to be set apart from her brother and sister who tend to generate a lot of excitement. The joyful one year old is actually the easiest and breeziest one in the mix…just loving life and eating all the food. Oh wait…she did have one projectile vomiting episode but that was while she was at the babysitter’s house and (PRAISE JESUS) that did not continue at our already wild house. Cody was present and helpful for all of these moments, but there is certainly something about Momma in these situations.
I did not handle the entirety of this weekend well. I threatened more punishment than I followed up on. I was strung too thin. I did not make presence a priority and I was reactive rather than preventative in my parenting style. I was experiencing stress and handling it poorly. I was not using my body’s reaction to stress for good…I was letting everything pile up. And then I was frustrated with myself. Overanalyzing Lennon’s need for attention, feeling terrible for and owning Radly’s pain, griping at Cody to take my stress away as if he could read my mind, and feeling guilty for allowing Maya to eat way too many rice puff snackies.
I am so thankful for my profession and the work I get to do daily, because it helped me quickly recognize the shame storm that I voluntarily entered into. The fact that I was sick and sleep deprived definitely allowed me to get to a place of shame, stress, and reactivity but the beauty in recognizing it was that I could turn it all around. I could slow the pace, adjust my expectations, and prioritize mindfulness and self-care.
I told Cody that I was going to take a bath, one of my favorite things to do but something that rarely happens. I turned on a Chopra Center guided meditation and soaked in a bath with essential oils for about 30 minutes. Then the kiddos came in the bathroom, but that was great. I welcomed their interaction with me. The ability to hit reset on my mindset changed the game! The rest of the day was more productive and went smoothly. I did not get everything that needed to be done completed. But I was much more capable of being in the moment with my family. I also felt proud and excited to not only recognize the need for change, but to be able to draw on the right tools to create change.
I cannot promise much about raising children because each tiny human is unique and the rapid evolution of their preferences and personalities make each journey exciting and unpredictable. I can promise that you will not always get it all done! I can also promise that you are going to be way too hard on yourself. Perfection should not be the goal in parenthood. The ability to tune in to your children is priceless. Take moments to hear their hearts and fill their souls. And give yourself some grace and space when you need to hit reset!
These precious babes are building their self-image, world view, and learning how to treat others based heavily on their interactions at home. Yes…this feels like pressure, BUT choose to feel empowered by this. If nothing else gives you motivation to remove distractions and make mindfulness a priority…think about the impact that these moments of awareness could have on your family. Mother Theresa said, “If you want to change the world, go home and love your family.” Even if the moments filled with bloody noses, broken bones, and bodily functions; when we feel like we have lost all control over the situation…take pause, bring your focus to the present moment, and move forward in love and grace!
Peace, Love, and Laughter,